I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
