You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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