I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
