Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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