Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
