K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
