you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
