you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
