the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
