my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
