If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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