I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
