sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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