He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
