I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
