We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
