My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
