It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
