I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
