Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
