So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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