As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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