Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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