It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
