On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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