Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I would ride that face into the sunset
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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