I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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