id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
