don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
