it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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