You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
