Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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