i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
