her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I need moral support for this bender
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
