I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
