How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
