I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
