I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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