we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
