I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
another moral hangover. fuck.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
