Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
