Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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