Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it hurts more in the daytime
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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