i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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