party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
