Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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