I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
