hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
