I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
