Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
