I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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