So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
