You can't motorboat a personality
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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